GPBC Blog

After many years of working as a teacher, counselor and chaplain, I have finally retired. My most recent role was as a hospice chaplain. Nothing has taught me more about living life than working with those that are dying. Scripture tells us to, “Number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” For thirteen years I have sat beside many dear ones as they poured out their hearts-- hearts full of difficult emotions of fear, regret, guilt, and shame, as well as feelings of love, gratitude and joy. I will never forget many of their faces and stories as they shared their last days with me.
 
Barbara was a joy to visit. She had many tragedies in her life from an abusive childhood which led her into alcoholism, the death of her husband (“the only person that ever loved me”), and so many health issues that brought her to a bed-bound existence. She was completely dependent on others for her care. But Barbara had found Jesus through AA and was at peace with her past and present circumstances. We often recited the Serenity Prayer with each other and praised God for his forgiveness, His healing love, and the many people who were providing care. The hospice team celebrated Christmas with her with gifts, carols, and laughter. I will not forget her face as she received and gave love. Joy and gratitude in the midst of suffering was one thing I learned from Barbara.
 
I have thought about Virginia many times since her passing. She was also bed-bound, very obese, and depressed. I was her chaplain for well over a year. As she began to trust me with the intimate details of her life, I began to sense that she had a spiritual background that she no longer trusted or believed. She had been betrayed by the people closest to her that were supposed to represent God, but instead had caused her great emotional pain and anger. Secrets of shame and regret poured out as she began to listen to the comfort of Scripture and the truth. She remembered the experience of “seeing the light” as a child when she emerged from the baptismal water. God was confirming that she was a true believer and would feel His embrace when she entered heaven. Our song became “Blessed Assurance” which she asked me to sing to her as she passed, a smile on her face. Virginia taught me about the mysterious peace that can come when we really trust in Jesus.
 
I was once interviewed for several hours by a daughter who wanted a chaplain to provide visits to her atheist father but not mention God or anything to do with religion. I assured her I could do that. So, she gave me the ok. Her father was a brilliant man who was currently involved with teaching scientific theory online even though he was now under hospice care. He was very disciplined in his thinking and presented with a flat affect. I began my visits with him very cautiously as I had to report each visit to the daughter to see if I was keeping my promise. He began telling me his life story and it became clear that the great disappointments in his life had caused him to shut down his emotions—all emotions. One day he stated, “Marcia, I know I’m dying, and I have no feelings about that, and I think I should.” I asked him if there was anything that helped him access his feelings and he said: “classical music.” On my next visit, I played Madame Butterfly and a Wagner piece. The emotions came from both of us. Tears rolled down our cheeks. I don’t think either of us spoke a word, but we connected on a deep, emotional level with each other. As he walked me to his door that day he asked: “Would it be ok if I hugged you?” When I reported my visit to his daughter that day she stated in unbelief: “My dad hugged you? He never hugged me.” Later my patient asked me to tell him what I believed. With joy I shared my faith with him. He died on a weekend when I was not working. I feel I will see him waiting in line to greet me when I go home to heaven. I learned to listen to more than just words. The language of the heart is sometimes silently screaming to be heard and understood.
 
There are so many more stories I could have told you. None of us know the number of our days, but I can tell you from listening to many life stories that people who express belief in Jesus and assurance of seeing Him face to face find the “valley of the shadow of death” to be a place of hope and peace. Let us walk with Christ as he leads us step by step, day by day closer to our heavenly home. Shalom, shalom!