He Sees My Heart
By Dave McLaren--
Recently I was in Florence on a “golf junket” with several friends. Two of us were sharing an RV in which I was sleeping on the hide-a-bed in the main living area. I awoke one morning chilly because the propane tanks had emptied sometime in the evening. I pulled a couple of blankets on to get me through to the morning when we took the tanks out to be refilled. While returning to the RV site we were followed by a man who was obviously in hurry. As we exited Hwy 101 to get back to the RV park, he started flashing his lights to get our attention. He was clearly torqued by having to follow us down this windy road. I jokingly commented as we let him pass at how nice it would be to have a technology handy that would disable his engine leaving him stranded and unable to get to where he wanted to go in such a hurry. I then turned to my friend noting how amazed I was at how quickly that “evil nature” within me raised its ugly head to say that. We both chuckled, but it gave me pause to think about this further. So, when I was asked to write this note, which included some experience I’ve had recently, I thought this would be of interest. After all, I don’t think I’m alone in what I call “an outburst of the flesh."
Over the past year, while in quasi-isolation, I have been praying that the Lord would reveal those things that are offensive to Him. Big mistake! What He has shown me is that I am not what I think I am much of the time. I’ve come to realize more how judgmental and self-righteous I really am. How quick I am able to judge and criticize others. I may not voice my thoughts or voice my criticism to others, but I know I am this way far too often. I can’t escape that the Lord knows, He sees my heart. I am more aware of this now than I can remember in the past. I again ask the questions of why am I this way? Why can’t I control this aspect of my nature? In many respects, I am ashamed to admit I am this way. It would be easy to dismiss this, but the Lord has not permitted it this year. I have to grapple with the reality of what lies within. And I stand condemned! Knowing I am guilty, I am tempted to just suffer with the shame and guilt of failing to be what I want to be. You ever feel this way?
The good news is there is a way of escape. Over time I’ve learned from Romans 7:7-8:1 that I have the capacity to say and do things I can’t control. I simply do not have the power to harness the outbursts of my “flesh”, my “evil nature." So how do I process what I’ve learned? I remind myself that God is not surprised at these outbursts. I may act as though He is angry with me, but that is a lie. As Paul writes in Romans 8:1, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." And praise God I am in Christ Jesus!
There is rarely a day that passes that I am not reminded of this truth. It brings joy and peace to my heart knowing He knows me and I am never condemned by Him. I may condemn myself and others may condemn me, but I know that God does not condemn me. I know He has forgiven me, and I know I am righteous, fit to dwell in His presence. I am able to say, “Thank you Lord! Your grace far surpasses any understanding I may have of You. Thank You for teaching me the truth of who and what I am. Thank you for freeing me from the guilt and shame."
For this reason I bend my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner self, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21 NASB)